A long time ago, when the anger at the witch was at its height, Elle had spoken to a kind woman about her mixed feelings. "I am angry and hurt, yes, but she could not help the way she was, so I feel helpless. I cannot simply hate this witch, yet I cannot forgive her, because I am still so angry."
The kind woman said ... "pretend this pillow is that witch, then hit this pillow as hard as you can." Elle hit the pillow over and over, but it was not enough. Elle asked if she could tear at the pillow with her teeth. The kind woman said, "yes go ahead, destroy the pillow if you need to."
So Elle took the pillow in her hands and tore it apart with her teeth. Then she tore apart another pillow as well. At the end, she felt the anger and hurt ebb away. The inner witch was dead.
From that time onward, Elle could really SEE the outer person who had been the cause of the inner witch. Elle developed a fondness for that person and could see she was a human being like herself. The outer person was deeply flawed, and helpless in her illness.
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have you read a book by claudia black, phd., called "changing course", 'healing from loss, abandonment, and fear'? on page 168 /169 she writes what forgiveness is and what it is not. very good.
she says there is a process of grief work that we must walk through that allows forgiveness to occur.
she writes it is NOT:
-forgetting
-condoning
-not absolution
-not a form of self-sacrifice
-it doesn't mean we are never angry again about what occured
-doesn't happen by making a one-time decision
what it IS:
-recognizing we no longer need our grudges, resentments, hatred, self-pity
-no longer wanting to punish the people who hurt us
-no longer building an identity around something that happend to us in the past
-forgiveness is what happens naturally as a result of confronting past painful experiences and healing old wounds
-internal process
-forgiveness is remembering and letting go. anger and hurt are often replaced by forgiveness and deeply felt spiritual acceptance
there are several of these wisdom insights that really hit home for me, especially when she said that the anger can still come up even after having forgiven. there is no judgement of being good (forgiving) or bad (unforgiving).
it's all about grief work. every tendral that leads to the wound needs ot be healed to recieve the gift of forgiveness.
love you, b
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