Sunday, July 30, 2006

Saturday, July 29, 2006

(Almost) Stealing Big Old Jesus


In the parish church, there was a big old crucifix behind the altar, with a writhing and flesh-toned Jesus on it. The large dome of the church was painted with a biblical mural and all those images added to the story of the religion. I have never understood why Catholicism chose to focus on the image of Jesus on the cross, when the promise and wonder of that myth is the resurrection, but anyway ....

In the 70s St. John's started to renovate, to "move with the times", as many other Catholic churches did. They painted over (!) the mural, and they took down the lurid Jesus and leaned him and his crucifix against a back wall of the church.

Dogstar and I went down to see the church one day while we were in Green Bay (I do not recall if we were living there or just visiting at that point). We saw Jesus leaning there, looking dejected. They had put up an empty slim cross in his old place of pride. He seemed forlorn.

We very nearly stole him, dear reader, very nearly. There were a couple of good reasons not to:
1. The POLICE
2. The weight of the cross on our shoulders dragging him off ... and where to?

So we left him there alone. I wonder how he is doing and what he is up to now?

Friday, July 28, 2006

summertime


aaahhhh yes...summertime in the back yard of 918: restful sunday mornings, crossword puzzles, iced drinks, breeze in the birch tree,
exchange of comments, especially the articles of irony and humor.



dad was a hambone in front of my camera on this glorious sunday morning in the backyard, sort of a combination of ease meets shyness.



you can see how blissed-out he could be in this last photo.
he was enjoying this moment.

he was such a loved man...

Who's this good-looking guy?

Thursday, July 27, 2006

#4 gets the key

~~~~
#4 reached into the center of the yin yang image and extracted the crystal key. In her hand the key vibrated and a high pitched tone emanated. She fell off the swing and into the red current bushes. #4 was determined to keep hold of the key. Her hand turned white. The garden disappeared and there came a great darkness.
~~~~

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Dark mirror in 918

As the witch’s procession disappeared towards a big green house with the number’s 918 over the door, I could hear tar-baby's voice talking to white dog, “Hey, Cinderella let’s take a break and sniff our way to the neighbors...”
I walked to the door as tar-baby and cinderella ran off. Witch had passed through the door without opening it. As I grasped the tarnished brass handle the house seemed to lean in towards me and the door opened. Pink and blue heat lightening peppered the edges of the night sky. Fireflies in great numbers swam around my head. They were sticking together and making letters in the air. I couldn’t read the words that the letters formed at first: ‘you wlil fnid the cyrastl key in the lienn clesot dno’t let wtich see you’. Had I dreamed this about this crystal key? The fireflies dispersed. I entered the front hall, stopped at a small vestibule table and struggled to open it’s drawer. White gloves sprung out, some of them cotton others misshaped kid, I put on a pair of soft gloves that fit well, I inserted the pearl buttons into the buttonhole at my wrist. Above the table I noticed a large dark mirror where my image shimmered. My face in the mirror was mouthing something to me that I didn’t understand, “I can’t hear you,” I whispered. The house seemed to get very quiet as if listening to me and my reflection stopped moving and stared over my left shoulder.

Sunday, July 23, 2006

ripples


The youngest sat by the lake in deep contemplation. This was her favorite place to sit when she needed to ask the Great One for direction. Listening was easier within the inner ear, in the gentleness of Nature. She tossed a pebble into the clear, calm surface of the lake and it made a 'kerplunk' sound that tells you how deep the water is and how far the pebble needs to travel to reach the bottom. The soft ripple circle spread out, then another sister ripple, and another.

"Help me find the words, how to share with others, what exactly happened within the ring of fire that burned away the past. Please, show me", she whispered.

Layer after layer of human thought burned away when she surrendered and jumped into the Center, stripping away thousands of years of human made illusions:
who we are; who is the enemy; what and who is valuable; who to reject and discard; how to be top dog; how to conquer and control to dominate. Even her personal ideas of who she was burned away: the sister of...the daughter of...the youngest of...not to smart...won't amount to much...etcetera. It was actually a very fragile belief system that only hangs there in a subtle agreement within the psyche. And it is only the Relative Truth---not the Real Truth. The Real Truth is a whole lot older. It is very, very old and when you remember it, It feels like Home.

kerplunk...ripples and circles...ripples and circles...

"Soon, i will know how to share..."

Saturday, July 22, 2006

#4's Journey: yin~yang & crystal key

~~~~

Her carpet of moths had transformed into a hammock nestled between two old apple trees in the backyard of 918. #4 woke to the barking of pair of black and white terriers. Clapping her hands in glee the dogs looked at her eagerly. Deep within the eyes of the dark one she was pulled to see vast amounts of space without light. In contrast, the white one glowed with the candle power of every living thing. #4 sat upright, it appeared, the hammock had become a swing, she gave herself a big push. As her feet flew through the air she knocked some apple blossoms into the sky. While the petals rained down around her she pondered how the dogs seemed to be moving in and out of a yin yang symbol while chasing each others tails. In the center of the symbol floated a crystal key. She jammed her feet into the earth and bolted off the swing. Black and white spun around so fast that they blurred into gray and the key was there within her reach.


~~~~

Fierce Therapy

A long time ago, when the anger at the witch was at its height, Elle had spoken to a kind woman about her mixed feelings. "I am angry and hurt, yes, but she could not help the way she was, so I feel helpless. I cannot simply hate this witch, yet I cannot forgive her, because I am still so angry."

The kind woman said ... "pretend this pillow is that witch, then hit this pillow as hard as you can." Elle hit the pillow over and over, but it was not enough. Elle asked if she could tear at the pillow with her teeth. The kind woman said, "yes go ahead, destroy the pillow if you need to."

So Elle took the pillow in her hands and tore it apart with her teeth. Then she tore apart another pillow as well. At the end, she felt the anger and hurt ebb away. The inner witch was dead.

From that time onward, Elle could really SEE the outer person who had been the cause of the inner witch. Elle developed a fondness for that person and could see she was a human being like herself. The outer person was deeply flawed, and helpless in her illness.

Friday, July 21, 2006

the crystal key


the youngest is compelled to remind by saying:

Hidden within One's Greatest Challenges,
Lies One's Greatest Gifts---

The Key to Opening these Gifts is FORGIVENESS.

where is the crystal key???

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Back to the Old Witchy

Elle turned around, suddenly, with a realization that she had to visit this witch she had overheard saying to #4 "I never wanted you!". Why #4 would WANT to be wanted by a witch, Elle did not know.

Back to the secret door, back to the wall, and finally to the witch's house she went. She knocked on the door of the house and a frighteningly cold voice said, "Yes?" in a very irritable manner. Elle said, "May I come in please?" The witch said, "All right, then, come in." She sounded exasperated at the thought that this child wanted to speak to her. Maybe she had to say yes, because of her manners, thought Elle.

Elle walked up to the witch, who had one eye like a goat's, with a slotted pupil.

Elle asked her straight out, "Why did you say you did not want #4? What is the point of saying something like that to your own child?"

The witch's eyebrows shot up and her hair moved backwards on her head. Her eyes narrowed and she screamed, "Because when YOU were born, you were too big! You nearly KILLED ME! You big lug! Because of YOU I went crazy, because of YOU I did not want to have another baby!"

Elle said, "You are a very immature woman, and you have let these memories ruin your experience of life. You have spoiled the childhood of #4 and she is a very sensitive person. I know you are ignorant, immature and mentally ill, so I will stop telling you what is wrong with you. BUT if you EVER say that to #4 again, I will come back and kill you myself."

#4's continued journey to find reality

~~~~~~~
“Well back again so soon,” the flower chimed.
“Yes, well there’s so much to think about,” said #4 as she edged away.
On her left she saw a path that glittered with blue moon dust. Upon closer inspection the dust was thousands of Luna moths fluttering. I want to be on the path, she thought to herself. She put one foot on the moving carpet of winged creatures and off she went.
“Goodbye and good luck ,” said the flower.
#4 laid back on the moths and fell deep into the sleep of the dead.
~~~~
I fastened my gaze on this woman. Did she know me? Had I seen her face before? Is there a key to fit that eye and if so, where is it and what would it unlock?
“I know you are waiting for your father to come home,” she barked.
What? Do I have a father? My mouth froze shut.
She grew impatient with my silence and turned away.
In her wake tumbled two dogs. One was pure white and the other soot black.
They were having a conversation about the witch.
“Sometimes I wonder,” said tar-baby, who was the black dog.
“Why would you wonder,” yelped white dog.
“There are these men who thrive in witch’s head
they appear when it pleases
dreams they narrate while she’s in bed
there are these men who chat in witch’s head
mumbling under her breath, so much is unsaid
she claims, it is her wheezes
there are these men who control her head
they disappear when it pleases,” recited tar-baby.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

the youngest's ending of red wagon...

having dove through the shimmering center it burned away her old self and she felt stripped of all the old ways, cleansed so to speak of the past...her name, where she had lived, her past experiences, her family, even her body had transformed and was restructured. there was a new sense of spaciousness and ease, the mind quiet, the body relaxed, yet she had not felt so completely present as she did now. one could even call it ordinary, in this new way. it was profoundly simple and loving and kind. there was a constant, gentle tingling of energy scourging throughout her body and it loved to swirl inside her feet. it was LIFE ESSENCE itself. this was now her anchor into the beauty of each breath.

she could feel a growing patience with others that were still wrestling with the old ways and found out what compassion looks and feels like. although, she wished others could stop the incessant thought patterns that rule the human experience, she knew also that it is a necessary step, like an initiation, that we all must go through. and if it gets bad enough, and painful enough, maybe, if one is so very uncomfortable, one will be motivated to find another dimension to living this moment fully. she realized that that is all we really ever have anyway: this moment! it was the end of madness. and the beginning of LOVE, real love, nothing syrupy sweet, but profoundly deep.

she looked over and saw the middle one walking happily with the red wagon trailing behind; she saw the eldest untangling the second sister's golden hair as they giggled. and she wondered if the moon still glowed on #4's beautiful face. she was grateful for such amazing sisters that were her teachers in so many ways...and she hummed a lovely melody and lived happily ever after!!

THE END!

Posting page


This is what the posting page looks like on my PC. What does it look like on your mac, Rob?

Red Wagon Conclusion

The rules of the red wagon fantasy collaboration, as set forth by robyndogstar, were these:

"Fantasy Collaboration
The rules of this are simple: - Post the next two or three paragraphs in this story. - Every post has to be coherent with the last post. - Please, no posting anything that is not story - Keep it clean, er...well, you can try. - Remember, the genre is fantasy. I'll start:Once upon a time there was a little red wagon."

SO I guess the red wagon is finished, because robyndogstar posted her picture, then a post about changing her font etc. and Botz responded.

THEREFORE, here is the conclusion of the Red wagon story:

A huge thundercloud appeared over the garden and as the rain splashed onto Elle she woke from her dream. She found her way back out of the garden, realizing it was a distraction from her role in life. She knew that "Forth", the fourth child, child of woe, was confronting her most dramatic memories once again. The baby of the family, was working on her spiritual path. Elle knew that for her, the spiritual was here and now. She took up the handle of the little red wagon and walked onward, as the sun peeked through the clouds outside. People's faces were friendly, she could see, now that she was holding her head high and looking at them in an interested way.

Her family had been obsessed with its own problems, and now she knew this was not the way for her. She looked around at the other people and saw that every family had something serious they had to cope with, and that did not stop them from living and enjoying all the many things life had to offer.

If she had to leave the family to live well, she could do it now.

Saturday, July 15, 2006

First Meeting with Witch

child #4
1.
The forth child, filled with woe, drifted into the light.
She bore the weight of pain.
A delicate child, full of sadness:
she moved into the golden hue and only knew the color blue.

2.
#4 followed her sisters into the magical place.
It was night and the garden twinkled with fire flies. Large luminescent moon-flowers shimmered. #4's eyes reflected the hue of a blue moon that floated across the ink black sky.
"Hey, don't step on me."
Startled, she searched the dark underbrush.
"I'm over here...."
"Why, I think it's the moon-flower taking to me," she whispered.
"Yes, that's right," it replied.
#4 put her face into the creamy white flower.
A delicious scent filled her nose making her sleepy.
"Oh how my eyes burn," she said rubbing them.
"Lay down your burden, lay it on down..." the flower's voice began to sing quietly.
#4 let the weight of her body ease down onto the earth. Yawning she curled up and fell deeply asleep.
3.
~~~~~~
In the dream I drifted in deep blue mists for what seemed longer than forever when a tiny pinprick of light appeared and I was magnetically dawn to follow. Suddenly my body felt like a fist crushing me with an unbearable tightness around my head. A hard metal object squeezed my temples and I thought my head would burst.
~~~~~~

“Good morning,” the flower said brightly.
“Gosh, I have such a headache,” #4 replied and fainted.

~~~~~
I was inching through a tight undulating space and still intent upon following the light. The head crushing stopped. I inhaled with great difficulty then opened my eyes.
A wiry haired woman glared at me with one keyhole shaped eye.
“what the hell are you doing here? I never wanted you!” she sputtered blue vitriol.

Friday, July 14, 2006

centering

after what seemed an eternity (sorry, i was a t the beach...ahem, ahem) the youngest blinked and blinked yet this beautiful being remained before her. it was shaped like an egg...but was it water or fire? she had seen paintings of mandalas Back Then and spent hours resting her eyes on the colours, shapes and patterns and it was an escape, like taking refuge, from the dark, thorny times.

but this was WAY beyond those two dimensional pictures: this was alive, shimmering, dancing licks of flame folding inward. it looked like sunlight dancing and making patterns at the bottom of the swimming pool but with a rhythmic order, continually merging towards the center. was it liquid or gold leaf? whatever it was, it was mesmerizing, hypnotic. there was a sound so sweet and familiar, it made her cry. it was her secret language...how did this being know her private language? so many questions, so much wonderment.

"enter if you wish but know that you will never be the same again." "what do you mean? who are you? where am i?" "enter and you will know everything...and you will know nothing. you will know the no word place, where there will never be the darkness again. but there will never be the colour paradise either. you will know both, you will know the CENTER." "o, i'm not sure what to do." she had lived in the hell realm at a much to young age and it would be a great pleasure to leave it once and for all. but she hadn't explored this new full colour paradise hardly at all. "is it scary?" "it is the end of fear, it is KNOWING." "is it as beautiful as you?"
"YES...more so."

she looked around wishing her sisters were near to come with her. they were always so brave and daring. no, she would have to grow up and trust her own way. suddenly, there was a flash of white. was that elle, flying on a white horse??? what the...
in the distance was #4 in a blue bubble of mist, sleeping. her face in a gentle smile, shone like moon light.

it was time...time to surrender. she took a deep breath in and dove, like off a swimming board with hands together in prayer pose, right into the CENTER...

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

The Wall

Elle, the third and middle child, did not know any of her sisters were in the garden with her. She came to a stone wall in the exotic place. Light from the other side of the wall glowed and pulsated, and she was drawn to it. She tried to climb over the wall ... but was repulsed by an invisible force. She tried to go around it ... but she could not find the end of the wall. Finally she found a strange looking, almost invisible key lying in the leaves and moss.

The key was made of crystal! She turned it over in her hand, and it sparkled and glowed. Maybe there was a way to use the key to get to the other side of the wall! She started to examine the wall a bit more closely. Time seemed to drift away as she looked at each stone. Each one was individual of course, and each one seemed to have a story embedded in it.

There were many stories, about kings and queens, fauns, centaurs, gods, fools .... but nothing about a crystal key, and no stone had a place to insert the key. She grew tired and sat down with her back to the wall to rest. Her eyelids drooped and things looked more and more blurry. What was that coming toward her through the garden? A white horse .... she opened her eyes, and it disappeared!

Slowly sleep claimed her consciousness and the white horse came for her again. This time she mounted it, with the key in her hand. The horse circled, in a gentle canter. When he came back to the wall, he leapt over it as if the stone wall were nothing but a twig in his path.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

entering

by the time the youngest of the group peered through the gateway, she saw the dare-devil middle child way deep into a most unusual place, with glowing birds perched on her head and shoulders, cobalt blue puffs of light floating in the air as if hoovering to see this new girl-creature that dared to enter. there was a soft golden light illuminating the middle one's way and to this day, the youngest swears she saw her levitate at least two feet above the ground.
the youngest felt immense confusion which way to go. she looked at her beloved other's continuing on the path, but it held the memory of the dark time, such saddness. she saw the middle in full color paradise, but it was unknown, different. looking back and forth, her loyalties were torn: go the wisdom way of the elder or enter the new, exciting world of wonder. then what appeared before her was of such breathtaking beauty that there was no more doubt...enter she must, and the new world now engulfed two out of the five.

Middle Child Syndrome

The middle child, not paying attention to the group at all, stared into the doorway. She saw adventure there! Leaving the group, she plunged into the unknown beyond the door, leaving it open behind her.

The light inside was completely different from the gray skies outside. The sun shone on beautiful exotic plants and shy gentle creatures that peered at her from behind huge glossy dark green leaves. Birds sang songs she had never heard before and coaxed her farther in, moment by moment, farther from the doorway.

red waggin' tail

The oldest, of the five children, was curious and peeked into the deep dark doorway. Quickly she pulled back, successfully freed the wagon wheel, and then trudged on because her job was to get these little ones home. The next in line was the second born. Her bright yellow curly hair caught on the brambles that surrounded the entrance.

Monday, July 10, 2006

red wagon continues...

no one had prepared them for what had occurred and they were to small to know what to do. with eyes down cast, they walked on, not knowing where they were going, not even caring anymore. so deep within sorrow, they almost passed the half hidden entrance altogether! the wheel of the wagon caught in a rut and spilled the ragged toys right there in front of the secret door.

Red Wagon

A weeping little girl pulled the wagon which was full of her ragged toys. She walked slowly along the street, sighing and occasionally wiping her nose on her sleeve. The others walked along with her, heads down.

Fantasy Collaboration

The rules of this are simple:
- Post the next two or three paragraphs in this story.
- Every post has to be coherent with the last post.
- Please, no posting anything that is not story
- Keep it clean, er...well, you can try.
- Remember, the genre is fantasy.
I'll start:

Once upon a time there was a little red wagon.

Otter Lake slumber


Dad asleep on the porch.

Sunday, July 09, 2006

A Second Life for Mom





I guess the blog has brought Mom back to life after all! Here she is at my gallery in Second Life!
Nana in her usual blue and black patterned silk dress, possibly at Otter Lake.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

Tribes of Wisconsin

This map is from a site on Wisconsin Indian Tribes that is very informative. There were more tribes in the area, for example the Sauk and Fox in southern Wisconsin. The Menominee were very important in our area, as were the Oneidas and Stockbridge.

For the most part the tribes in Wisconsin lived peacefully side by side with the European newcomers. The Menominee were a very large tribe that are now a sovereign nation within the borders of Wisconsin. Read their history here. The reservation became a county, then went back to being a reservation. The land and waters of the Menominee are beautiful and clean.

Friday, July 07, 2006

natural innocence...


otter lake was a beauty in the land of a thousand lakes. the entire area for miles was untouched forest being perched next to the wisconsin national forest. it had a potent infusion of magic in it's aura, perhaps having been the home of creatures now extinct or nearly so. the first humans were of course Indians. they knew how to listen to the winds, brave the subzero winters, hunt, fish, make clothing from hides, homes from skin and weaving.

nana told us stories about going into the "modernized" kitchen in the log cabin to cook breakfast on the wood burning, cast iron stove to find a seated group of Chippewa and Wabeno tribe's members wanting to trade beaded moccasins and tobacco pouches for ground flour, cornmeal and lard. nana acquired many "toys" from them: miniature birch tee pees and canoes; a ceremonial drum painted blue with images of leaping deer, the parameter of which was rimmed with white spotted red fawn fur (we sang our little girl songs to the beat of this exquisite drum); a buck skin dress for a young woman; a thick birch skin basket or purse with dangling acorns. someone said these things were donated to the Neville Public Museum.

these gifts from a different century held a tactile memory, a gentle power of nature and seeped into one's being. i cannot imagine this coming from someone's cell phone or computer. maybe i'm just sentimental...but even the smallest patch of moss reflected the Mystery...what we call fractal intelligence.

i had a dream of otter lake after it had been sold. the dream showed me where the new cottages were built and how the otter was disturbed. later i told our father this dream and was shocked to hear how exact my night vision was. he brought out the blue print where all the lots had been sold. yup...heartbreakingly true. this is only a small inkling of what the Indians must have felt.

swing at otter lake




one september afternoon in 1956, botz swinging in the soft sunshine with otter lake in the background. dig those shoes.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Otter Lake





This log cabin was built by our great-grandfather, Big Mike Quinlan, if I remember correctly. He was a logger and this was their main logging camp. It was referred to as Camp Comfort. Nana inherited it from him and she added more comfort ... an indoor toilet, for instance. She had a pre-fab bunkhouse built behind the cabin, where I spent some time with my cousin Nina exchanging our knowledge of sex when I was 12 (my knowledge was VERY limited).

Nana willed the cabin and land to her four children, of whom only three were interested in spending the money to keep it up and to pay the taxes on it. Lou-Lou sold her share to the other three. Then I am not entirely sure who dropped out, I think maybe Uncle Bill, and there were two.

However, those two had many children between them. Ten, if memory serves. The property could not be willed to ten children and thence to their heirs, and the costs of upkeep and taxes were high, so finally Mom and Uncle David sold the property.

We, as Mom's children, were given some money each from the sale of the cabin. I remember talking to an Indian (I do not use the term Native American, since technically, I am a native American myself) about the money. I said how ironic it was that this land which had belonged to his people had then been appropriated and utilized and then it became this cash in my hand. I felt a bit odd, like the money should properly belong to the people who had been there originally, but I spent it anyway!

Dad's Birthday

Today Dad would have been 98 years old. As Botz has said, he loved having his birthday next door to the Fourth of July and all the fireworks. His cousin Tom had his birthday on the 4th, I believe, so they were cousin-twins.

Every year, our sister #2 would bring an M-80 (like a cherry bomb, but a little bigger bang) for Dad to light and throw in the back yard. Every year, he held it a little longer, building up the suspense and terrifying everyone in the area. We were always wondering if this was the year we would have to call the ambulance to take him to the emergency room. But he always threw it just in time. He became deaf gradually, year by year, and I wonder if those little exploding fireworks added to it! If they did, I am sure he did not care one bit. Oh the thrill of it all!

Dad loved life and considered every day a gift. He ate every meal with tremendous enjoyment, and savored everything good in life. I think growing up relatively poor made him very appreciative of anything he experienced that was on the good side of the ledger.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

being bob

our father's birthday was the third of july, so naturally as a little boy, he assumed that all the fireworks and sparklers were an extension of his celebration. so did we when we were children at otter lake, firing off roman candles and watching their trajectory over the lake. we lit those flat grey disks and watched them grow into thick ash smokey snake squiggles, held sparklers close to our little faces or drew fire line images in the air like an abstract artist painting wildly. then of course we would eat cake (later it had more candles than cake).
this is the time of year we would gather at 918 year after year.
we always made a big deal about his b-day, adoring him. how he loved life. you could feel his goodness inside his being.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

na na










our beautiful nana...